


Undeniable Miracle

by klein_monsti



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Divergence, Conversations with God, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Human!Castiel - Freeform, Idiots in Love, Jack is God, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Soft (tm), Spoilers for Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:28:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klein_monsti/pseuds/klein_monsti
Summary: Something catches Dean’s eyes then, a movement in his peripheral vision. He turns his head as far as it will go. He must be pretty far gone already, he muses, because apparently he’s started hallucinating.Right there at the entrance of the barn he can see Cas.Fix-it fic for 15x20 that goes canon divergent during the scene in a barn and sees a special someone step in to save the day.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 238





	1. When I Fall

**Author's Note:**

> My fix-it fics for 15x20 will come in two flavors: Denial and Acceptance. This is the Denial one that goes canon divergent from the scene in the barn and brings Castiel back to earth. 
> 
> Warnings: Dean still gets impaled on that nail. But it he gets saved.
> 
> There will be a second chapter soon in which Dean and Cas finally talk about their feelings for each other but I wanted to get this first chapter out already for everyone that needs a quick fix-it right now. In a way this chapter could just as well stand alone as a full story with a more open ending if that is something you enjoy. The Mature rating applies to the second chapter which will include a sex scene, so if you only read chapter one I would rate it Teen.
> 
> The title refers to a poem by _John Mark Green_

_When I run,_  
_let it be_  
_towards love,_  
_never away._  
  
_When I fall,_  
_let it be_  
_into your heart,_  
_which awaits me._

_[…]_

**_John Mark Green_ **

* * *

Dean knows he’s dying and he’s okay with that. It’s the way he always thought he would go, the way all hunters go eventually that are not protected by some higher being keeping them alive for their amusement. Dean has always known it would end like this. He just didn’t think it would be today. He thought he had a bit more lifetime ahead of him.

And he just started to make it work for himself too, hadn’t he? 

At least he tried to.

He tried his best to honor Castiel’s - everyone’s – sacrifice, tried to be happy and to enjoy the little things in life. And it worked during the busy times of the day when he got to cuddle with Miracle or eat his favorite pie. It was harder at night and in the silent moments in the bunker. The moments when he remembered Cas; his serious expression and unintentionally funny remarks, how he would look at Dean like Dean was something special… how the Empty took him, how it had been Dean’s fault, the times when he woke up from sleep, hazily thinking about something funny he would like to tell Cas later when they ran into each other in the kitchen before reality caught up to him. It took a lot out of Dean to stay true to his conviction then, to not fall into despair like he had any other time he lost Cas before. To keep fighting has been hard. 

This is easier. Just letting go. Knowing that Sam will be alright somehow and live the life he deserves and Dean not having to care for his own anymore.

Something catches Dean’s eyes then, a movement in his peripheral vision. He turns his head as far as it will go. He must be pretty far gone already, he muses, because apparently he’s started hallucinating.

Right there at the entrance of the barn he can see Cas.

A small smiles pulls on Dean’s lips. If the light he’s supposed to walk towards wears Castiel’s face Dean will follow it gladly.

Only instead the light walks towards him. A worried “Dean” on Castiel’s lips as he closes the distance in a few long strides.

Sam lifts his head from where it’s buried in Dean’s shoulder to look. “Cas?”

So maybe Cas isn’t a hallucination after all. Dean tries to wrap his brain around that as Cas gently maneuvers Sam out of the way, Sam apparently too shocked to put up much of a fight. And Dean sees the faint glimmer of desperate hope in his brother’s eyes before Cas steps in his place and takes up all of Dean’s fading attention.

“Hey, Cas. That really you?”, Dean slurs.

“Don’t talk, Dean.”

But Dean wants to talk, needs to talk. There’s something he’s gotta say before it all ends.

Except it’s not gonna end. The last non-delirious bastion of Dean’s brain suddenly catches up to this realization. If Cas is here, it’s not gonna end.

He feels Cas slipping a gentle hand between his back and the wooden post, and then the both alien and familiar sensation of Castiel’s grace running through him, soothing, healing. Cas curls his other hand around his shoulder, wordlessly beckoning him to lean forward, to follow Cas.

And so Dean does, lets himself be gingerly pulled forward inch by inch. Where it has been nothing more than the nail holding Dean together moments before, it is now Castiel’s grace, knitting Dean back together as he goes. Dean finds he can’t look away from Castiel’s eyes, the sheer determination he finds there.

“You’re going to be alright.”, Cas says and Dean believes it, the realization that Cas is alive and ** _here_** even sharper and more wonderful than his own miraculous recovery. If Cas just **_stays_** he’s gonna be alright no matter what.

When Dean finally slips fully free and Cas steps away, Dean finds that his own two legs can hold him upright again. A second later though Sam is one him, barreling into him for a bone-crushing hug that Dean is almost worried will send him stumbling back into the damn nail again if Sam isn’t careful. But then he lets himself go, let’s Sam burry into his shoulder, sobbing and trembling as his body tries to catch up with his sudden relief. Dean wraps his arms around Sam in turn, soothing him. They almost lost this, lost each other, Dean was ready to, Sam clearly wasn’t and Dean feels bad for putting him through this once again; the pain of losing Dean even if this time he didn’t after all.

Which brings Dean back to the reason for him still being alive. Looking over Sam’s shoulder he sees Cas. He’s just standing there, a small smile on his face. Their eyes meet again and Dean slowly but surely extracts himself from Sam, patting him on the back as he goes. Sam lets him leave, still trembling but reassured that Dean’s not going anywhere, not yet.

Dean closes the distance between himself and Cas. Part of him wants to be suspicious about this, wants to look at this logically but Dean just can’t bring himself to doubt it, if it isn’t real it will probably kill him all over again. So he just accepts it, wraps Cas in a tight hug, turning his face into his dark hair and just breathes him in. Dean feels Cas relax into the hug, his arms coming up to encircle Dean in turn. When his fingers brush over the spot where the nail had impaled Dean only a few moments ago, Dean can’t help a small shiver. But it’s okay now. Everything is okay.

Slowly he pulls away from Cas so he can look him in the eyes again.

“How?”, Dean asks simply, not even sure if it truly matters. “How did you make it back?”

“Jack.”

Dean can’t help the smile that stretches across his face at that. “Son of a bitch, the kid really did it.”

Cas nods. “Yes, after you defeated Chuck he came to the Empty. He put it back to sleep then took me and a few other angels back with him to help rebuild heaven.” Dean sees a fond small smile play across Castiel’s lips. “Gabriel and Balthazar had some interesting ideas.”

And Dean just has to laugh at that. “Oh I bet.”

By then Sam has apparently collected himself enough to come over and join them. He gathers Cas in a hug of his own. Dean hears him say “Welcome back, buddy.” And then quieter, almost too low for Dean to hear “Thank you.” as he squeezes Cas a little bit tighter before letting him go.

For a moment the three of them just stand there, just looking in turn at each other.

And then Castiel’s eyes flare bright blue with his grace, his hands glowing…

“What the…” Dean manages before the light dims again, dies away and the glow in Castiel’s eyes flickers and fades. Cas just breathes a deep sigh and stares down at his hands like they are brand new.

“Cas? What just happened?”

* * *

**_Earlier_ **

They tear down the last wall in heaven together.

In the distance Castiel can see Bobby talking to Ellen and Jo, explaining the new situation to them. From what Cas can gather from their conversation, they are thinking about setting up a Roadhouse, a place for everyone to come together. Cas likes the idea.

He turns his face into the sun, just enjoying it for a moment before turning to Jack at his side, his heart once again swelling at what this now all-powerful being he considers his son has created.

“I am so proud of you.”, he tells Jack. “And so is your mother.”

Jack knows that of course. Kelly told him when they showed up at their place earlier. And even if she hadn’t, Cas supposes Jack knows just about everything now. It comes with being omnipresent after all. But it still feels good to say it to Jack, to give voice to his own feelings. And the way Jack smiles upon hearing it lets Cas know that he appreciates it too.

Cas lets his eyes wander again. In many ways this new heaven reminds him of the smaller heavens he liked best back in the day, the peaceful ones, rooted in nature. Except now there are no more walls just an endless stretch of woods and fields… and a big amusement park tucked away behind the tree line to the east where Jack has let Gabriel have free range. 

And people, living together, creating new memories instead of reliving old ones.

He wishes he could go down to earth and tell Dean about all they’ve accomplished up here but Jack has closed the gates of heaven upon their arrival and Cas understands why. Too much harm has come to earth because of heaven’s meddling. Jack wants to do it better this time around.

Everything is perfect and peaceful.

Until it isn’t anymore.

Until Castiel feels a sudden pain that he knows isn’t his own racing through him.

“Dean!”

“Yes”, Jack confirms still calm and collected, “He’s dying. I can feel it too.”

Panic floods Castiel’s entire being, tightens around his heart and the metaphysical extension of it.

“No.” Cas can’t – won’t let that happen. Not after everything Dean has been through. It doesn’t get to end just days after Dean’s got his freedom; it’s too cruel, too tragic, like something Chuck would have come up with as the ultimate punchline. But Cas knows it isn’t that. It’s just coincidence that sometimes can be even harsher than fate. They don’t have to accept coincidence though, not when Jack is right there beside him. “You have to save him.”

“No, I won’t.” There is a slight hitch in Jack’s voice, like it pains him to say it but there is also a deep seated conviction. “I told you, Castiel, I won’t make the same mistake my grandfather did. I will not intervene.”

Cas wants to start arguing, wants to beg Jack to change his mind, for Jack to see reason, even if Cas is afraid that Jack might see reason more clearly than Cas himself right now.

But Jack turns and looks at the distant tree line. “Walk with me, Castiel.”

It’s a ridiculous request, Cas thinks. How can he just go for a stroll through heaven when down there on earth Dean is dying right now? “There is no time.” 

“There is.”, Jack says and his word is the truth of the universe. Cas can feel time shifting and suddenly knows they could spend hours in this sphere Jack has just created around them while a mere second would pass on earth. It deflates the urgency that had gripped Cas so tightly but not the underlining terror. His heart still beats load in his chest as he falls in step beside Jack. 

“Please Jack, just let me go down to earth in your stead then. Let me save him.”

“Castiel, we agreed, that the time of angels on earth must end.”

It feels weird to have this conversation with Jack. Not too long ago Cas looked at Jack and saw his child, who still had so much to learn about the world. Now it seems like their roles have been switched and Cas is the child who begs his father for the one thing he feels he needs above all else. In a dark corner of his mind he wonders if Jack is right to deny him but he can’t stop begging for it anyway. 

“Just this once, and I’ll come back right away.”

“And what if something else happens to Dean? Will you come to me and ask again for one last exception?”

Cas finds he can’t truthfully promise that he won’t so he keeps his mouth shut this time and that seems to be answer enough for Jack.

“Look around” Jack prompts and Castiel does as he’s told. “You helped me build this new heaven, a place where everyone can join together in peace for eternity. Is there something wrong with it?”

For the first time since they started walking Jack sounds a little bit unsure. Like maybe he truly got something wrong, and it would endlessly pain him.

“No.”, Cas is quick to assure Jack, “It is perfect.” And he truly means it.

Jack draws his brows together in confusion, the godly façade slipping more and more; the curious teenager he was shining through once more. “Then why wouldn’t you want Dean to join us here now? He wouldn’t have to fight anymore. He could be at peace.”

Put like that it sounds logical, easy - too easy. It reminds Cas of how he had once offered the prospect of paradise to Dean only for Dean to reject it, choosing life the way it was instead, and starting to make Cas believe it was something worth fighting for as well.

“It’s not his time yet.”, Cas eventually says. “He fought so hard for the world to be free, he deserves to live in it too, he deserves to be with Sam right now and see who he wants to be without Chuck’s influence hanging over him.” He knows that this will mean he won’t see Dean again for quite a while, that Dean will go on living without him, maybe find a wife, have a couple kids that will all join him in heaven eventually. But he has long since come to terms with the fact that Dean’s happiness is more important to him than his own selfish desires. If he can give Dean the chance to have all that, he will.

And finally he can see Jack fold under what he said, or maybe even the things he didn’t say but that Jack could read on his face and in his mind.

“You will have to make a choice, Castiel.”

“I choose Dean.” Cas says without even hearing the options. He will never not choose Dean.

The corners of Jack’s mouth twitch like he’s holding in a smile at how predictable Cas is being but his expression sobers again right away. “I won’t stop you from going down to save him.”

An immeasurable weight lifts from Castiel’s chest even as Jack continues:

“But there will be a price to pay.”

Cas doesn’t care. There’s never been a price that hadn’t been worth Dean’s life twice over. And he knows Jack is fair, whatever he asks, Cas trusts that it will be with good reason.

He’s proven right when Jack says: “I stand by my rule. No more angels walking the earth. Do you understand?”

Cas nods. “Yes. I do understand.” He understands perfectly. And even though a part of it is vaguely daunting it is also wonderful and exciting. It is a chance. Jack called it a price to pay but Cas can’t help to somehow feel that it’s also a gift to be received. Cas can breathe freely now for the first time since Dean’s pain took hold of him so suddenly. Now Cas knows that it will all turn out to be okay.

Jack chews his bottom lip. It’s the most human gesture Cas has seen on him since Jack raised him from the Empty. “Before you go, there is one last question I have.” And for once it doesn’t feel like Jack asks just for the sake of it but because he truly wants to know.

“Will it be worth it?” He pauses for a moment. “Even if he might not feel the same way?”

And of course Jack knows about Castiel’s feelings. Omnipresence and all that, Cas reminds himself. Going by that he also knows what’s in Dean’s heart but Cas knows there is no use in asking. Jack has made a habit out of not giving answers anymore. He just asks questions. The answers must be found within oneself. At least for Jack’s final question, Cas realizes he already has one. 

“Yes. Every day he gets to live, every day I’ll just get to be with him, it will be worth it.”

And Jack smiles at him, a true smile that lights up his whole face but somehow still seems to hold some secret knowledge Cas can’t quite hope to understand.

“Good.”

Castiel blinks and when his eyes open again he’s not with Jack in heaven anymore but standing in front of an old barn house. He remembers another night, standing just outside another barn and how walking in and meeting Dean had changed him forever, how it had ultimately led him to this moment now. He knows that going in and saving Dean one more time will change everything once again.

He’s ready for it to happen.

* * *

“So you’re human now?”, Dean asks after Cas has explained what happened in heaven. “Jack took your grace?”

Cas simply nods. “Yes.”

Dean suddenly feels like someone punched him in the gut, because once again it’s his fault, once again Cas gave up part of himself to save Dean. “I’m so sorry.”

But when he looks in Castiel’s eyes he sees nothing but honest confusion as Cas tilts his head in the way that has become as familiar to Dean over the years as the back of his own hand.

“Why? There is nothing to be sorry about. It was my choice to make and I made it gladly.”

Dean knows he did but it doesn’t make it better, doesn’t change the fact that Dean’s the reason for it. He wants to avert his eyes, can barely stand Castiel’s honest, open gaze anymore but Cas curls a hand around his shoulder again and keeps him in place, their eyes locked. 

“Dean, is being human really such a tragic fate?”

And Dean’s first instinct is to say _yes, of course it is_ because it’s hard and it sucks and you have to fight and to bleed, and you lose people along the way. But then he thinks about everything else, breakfast in the bunker’s kitchen, serious conversations and silly jokes with Sam, movie nights with Cas by his side, visiting Jody and the girls, watching them grow and thrive, the thrill of the hunt, that feeling of saving someone’s life that truly doesn’t compare to anything else, knowing you are important and needed, building a family, feeling loved and wanted despite not believing yourself worthy of it, maybe finally getting a chance to figure out who you are and who you want to be.

“No.” Dean eventually allows himself to tell Castiel. “No, maybe it’s not so tragic after all.”

And from what Cas just told them, it’s not forever. Eventually Cas will go back to heaven again, and so will Dean and Sam apparently. But for the time being they get to make the most out of just ** _living_** and finally Dean thinks he’s ready to do just that.

He slings an arm around Castiel’s shoulder and the other as high around Sam’s back as he can comfortable reach, pressing the two of them a bit closer to himself and steering them into the direction of the door.

“Come on, guys. Let’s go home.” 


	2. When I Fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas are being idiots but eventually work things out. Sam gets a nudge in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, this took way longer than anticipated. But the word count is also quite a bit higher than anticipated so I hope that makes up for it a bit. 
> 
> This somewhat follows along the lines of Misha's and Jensen's interpretations of 15x18 that basically imply that both Dean and Cas are complete idiots, because Cas believes Dean doesn't return his feelings while Dean isn't sure if angels can feel romantic love at all.

_[…]_

_When I fly,_  
_let it be_  
_into the sky_  
_of ecstatic union._

_With you._  
_Always_  
_and only_  
_you._

_John Mark Green_

* * *

**_10 days later_ **

Dean is coming down the bunker’s staircase, Miracle in tow, returning from a walk through the stretch of woods near the bunker. Dean will never admit to it but he genuinely enjoys the exercise that comes with walking and playing with Miracle outside. He’s not gonna start jogging around the woods for no good reason like Sam does but he thinks he could get used to getting fresh air and stretching his legs without it being part of a hunt or a drive into town.

As he walks into the library he finds Sam looking at something on his laptop at one of the tables. Sam notices him and waves him over.

“Dean, I think I found us a case.” He points at the screen as Dean comes closer to take a look. “A string of grave robberies in a small town near Milwaukee and now a teenager who used to hang around the cemetery was found dead. Might be ghouls. What do you think?”

For the past week Dean has seen Sam grow more and more restless, apparently eager to find a new case, itching for a fight or at least something to focus his attention on. Dean’s got the impression he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself anymore. Dean on the other hand has a very clear idea about what his brother _should_ be doing. He’s just been waiting for the right moment to set some wheels into motion. It seems like that moment is now.

He smiles, rounds the table and lets himself fall into the chair opposite Sam, leaning back like he doesn’t have a care in the world and certainly doesn’t plan on getting up anytime soon. “I think I’m gonna sit this one out.”

“What? Why?”

Dean shrugs. “Someone has to look after Miracle, right?”

“What about Cas?”

“Yeah great idea, Sammy.” Dean says with a heavy dose of sarcasm. “And who’s gonna look after Cas? He’s been human how long now? A week? There’s still a lot he needs to figure out.”

“He’s been human before.” Sam argues.

“Yeah, and no-one showed him the ropes back then either, and it shows.” Dean tries not to linger on the stab of guilt the memory of Castiel’s last time as a human delivers. He failed Cas back then but he’s not planning to repeat that mistake. “Yesterday I found him swallowing the mouthwash instead of spitting it out.”

Sam pulls a face that tells Dean he’s getting his point across. Dean refrains from pointing out that this sort of instinct might be appreciated in a guy on other occasions. Luckily so does Sam. It’s not really a topic Dean wants to get into right now, especially when it’s linked so dangerously close to Cas.

“Anyway,” Dean presses on. “I feel like I should stick around until he’s got a grasp on the finer points of human life. Also make sure he doesn’t burn down the kitchen while we’re gone.”

Sam doesn’t really seem to have a comeback for this one and Dean sees the opening he needs to get this thing on track. “You know, last I heard, Eileen just wrapped up a case up there is Wisconsin. Maybe she could give you a hand.” He doesn’t really aim for the double entendre there but if Sam wants to understand it that way so be it. After all pushing Sam towards Eileen is kinda the point of this whole endeavor. 

But instead of getting a blush or a bitch face from Sam, like Dean expected, Sam starts worrying his bottom lip and focuses again on the screen of his laptop to avoid eye contact with Dean.

“So you think you need to keep an eye on Cas? Is this really all this is about, Dean?” He pauses. “Is this because of what happened in Ohio?” Dean can see that Sam can’t bring himself to elaborate more on what he’s talking about. He doesn’t need to. There’s no way Dean couldn’t know what he’s referring to. “Are you… are you scared?” Sam asks gingerly.

Trust Sam to take Dean’s plot to get Sam laid and make it all about Dean’s potential trauma. Dean rolls his eyes and tries for flippant. “Of a couple of ghouls? Come on, Sam.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

Sam looks tense. Dean begins to suspect that his most recent scrap with death might have affected his brother more than Dean himself. Given their previous experiences that’s probably true. Being the one who ended up dead has always been easier than being the one left behind.

He understands why Sam’s worried of course. What happened in that barn has been a sharp reminder that now that Chuck is dealt with and demons and angels are back where they belong, practically all of their supernatural safety nets are gone. They just gonna have to come to terms with being normal again, or at least as normal as hunters can get.

“Sam,” Dean eventually says, “I’m not scared. Not more than usual anyway. Not more than is actually healthy.” He means every word of it but when Sam looks up he doesn’t look convinced. Dean sighs. He begins to understand that if he wants Sam to get out of the bunker without him, nothing short of the truth will work. So he takes a deep breath and gears up for the inevitable chick-flick moment.

“Look, you heard what Cas said about heaven; what Jack has been building up there. So we are luckier than most. We know what comes after. Eternity; spend with the people we love… I’m not scared of _that_.” He sees Sam swallow and feels his own throat grow tight with emotion as well but he ventures on. “I just think, that while we’re still here, we should also be with the people we care about. And sure, for you that’s me, and that’s Cas, but it’s also Eileen.”

Sam opens his mouth, probably to protest but Dean doesn’t let him. “I know you’ve been itching to go to her ever since Jack brought everyone back. And I also know, you didn’t because of me.” Once Jack had fixed the world, Dean half expected Sam to make his way to Eileen immediately. Because Dean knows what it feels like to lose someone that important, to have them vanish without the chance of ever holding them again and letting them know what they meant to you. But Sam stayed, probably because he knew deep down that Dean had experienced the same and didn’t want to flaunt it into his face that he could actually get another shot at happiness if he wanted it.

“You stayed because you didn’t want me to be alone. And I didn’t say anything because honestly I didn’t want to be alone either.” It seems selfish now, that he denied Sam to go and figure out what he wanted his new life to look like for himself, but he also knows that he wouldn’t have made it a day without Sam back then and he’s grateful that Sam stuck around.

“But you can go now, Sam. Because I won’t be alone.” They are getting deeper and deeper into serious emotional territory here. So Dean tries to do what he normally does in these cases and defuse the situation. He waves a hand at Miracle who lies stretched out beside him. “I got Miracle for starters.”

Sam finally looks at him again, seemingly mulling over all Dean just said. Slowly but surely Dean sees a smile settle on his brother’s features.

“I guess that’s true.” Sam eventually says. “I suppose you **_did_** get your miracle.”

It’s clear he’s not talking about the dog anymore but Dean can’t find it in himself to correct Sam on this one; not when he is right. 

Instead he tries his best to further settle Sam’s worries over the future by saying: “I know you think I should get back in the saddle, and believe me I will. Next case that comes our way, it’s gonna be you and me again - maybe Cas will tag along if he feels like it.” Dean grins. “And then who knows maybe one day you, me, Cas and Eileen, we’ll all go on some hunt together.”

Sam’s smile turns into a mischievous grin all of the sudden. “What, like a double date?”

Dean feels his face heat up. “Shut up, bitch.”

“Bite me, jerk.”

“Oh, I think I’m gonna leave that to Eileen.” 

* * *

After eventually seeing Sam out of the bunker, Dean leaves Miracle dosing on his favourite blanket in the corner of the library and wanders down the hall. He tries to come up with a plan for the rest of the day. Maybe a movie afternoon with Cas is in order. Dean has sorely missed those during these past few months when they had to focus all their attentions on getting rid of Chuck. He remembers vaguely that he told Cas that they really ought to watch _High Plains Drifter_ together before everything went downhill. Then again, Cas has apparently started to rediscover the wonders of Netflix, so maybe he’ll have some ideas for a binge watch as well. Dean wouldn’t mind either way.

First he’s gonna have to find Cas though. The bunker is big enough that several people can easily go a day in there without running into each other apart from dinner time in the kitchen. So far Cas has spent his days mostly in the library or down in the archives and the training rooms, claiming he still has to get used to his new human physiology.

And sure enough, as Dean makes his way deeper into the heart of the bunker, he can pick up noises coming from the shooting range.

When he enters, he finds Cas, gun in hand and glaring at the targets down the line like they have personally offended him and if he still could he would smite them out of existence immediately. As he notices Dean he lowers the gun and huffs in annoyance.

“I _suck_ at this.”

Dean absently wonders if hearing Cas using colloquialisms will ever not sound weird in some way. His own reply meanwhile leaves his mouth on autopilot. “No, you don’t.”

Cas gives him a look that says ‘ _Oh really?_ ’ just as clear as any words would. He raises the gun again, takes aim and pulls the trigger.

Dean flinches as the bullet hits the target’s cardboard background but stays well outside the black silhouette.

“Okay.” Dean concedes, “So maybe you suck a little bit. Who cares? I know you could still take me in a knife fight any day.”

Dean truly has no illusions about that one. Cas might still be trying to pick up some skills he previously had no use for, and he might have lost his supernatural abilities but the muscle memory that comes with eons as a warrior are still there. And since last week when Cas walked into the kitchen one morning wearing one of Dean’s old faded t-shirts and treated Dean to a view of the sleeves practically clinging to Castiel’s biceps, he has a pretty good idea what kind of physical strength Cas still has at his disposal as well.

Cas smiles faintly at the compliment. “I thought it would probably be advisable to stay out of a knife’s range for the time being.”

“Okay, yeah, understandable.”

And it really is. Dean’s had all his life to come to terms with the weaknesses and strengths of his body but to Cas this new human form must feel horribly squishy and vulnerable. And Dean and Sam probably haven’t inspired too much confidence in how well the human body holds together either, not with the way Cas had to fix them with his grace on a regular basis. And those days are over now, too. Cas saving Dean last week was the last miracle they would ever get. From now on the three of them are all just very squishy humans, who, for all intense and purposes, could die by taking a tumble down the stairs one day. The thought sits heavy in Dean’s stomach. He looks at Cas.

“You know you don’t have to, right? Become a hunter, I mean.”

After Cas returned with them to the bunker it seemed like everyone quietly assumed that things would just keep going the way they had for years, with Sam and Dean hunting and Cas fighting alongside them. But the thing is that after Chuck was defeated Sam and Dean took a moment to just sit down and think about who they want to be now that their _story_ is over. Dean came to terms with the fact that he can’t picture a life outside of hunting anymore, that he _wants_ to keep hunting because he truly believes that he makes the world a better place. And Sam came to the same conclusion and Dean knows that even if he and Eileen will find their way towards each other now, Eileen is going to stay in the business as well.

No matter how badly Dean wants Cas by his side, Cas deserves to make this choice just as much as the rest of them. “We don’t keep you around just because we think you might be useful.”

Cas sighs and engages the safety on the gun, putting it down on the counter. “I know. But I feel like I need to be useful, for my own sake if nothing else.”

“I get that but that doesn’t mean you have to do it through hunting.”

“What else would I do?”

Dean shrugs. “Whatever you wanna do, I guess. You know a lot of stuff, you lived to see the whole of human history, you could be a teacher or a scientist, hell, I know the little old lady who runs the bakery in town if you wanna try your hands at that.”

Cas goes quiet for a moment, apparently musing it over. Eventually he shakes his head. “No, I want to be a hunter. I want to save people, I want to make the world better, and I want…” he stops himself, biting his lips.

“What, Cas?”

“I want to be with you and Sam… protecting you.”

_Yeah, because that’s kinda your whole deal, isn’t it?_ Dean thinks. But there’s an earnestness and a longing in Castiel’s eyes that floors him. He just looks at Cas, takes him in, the wrinkles around his eyes and the dark stubble growing in on his cheek. Dean’s not really felt the need to stage an intervention about the later one yet, though if Sam were to ask Dean would swear to high heaven that it’s not because he secretly thinks it’s actually a good look for Cas. Dean knows that Cas already figured out how to shave from his last time as a human a few years back, it just doesn’t seem to be something he’s willing to do on a daily basis.

It’s one of the things Dean has learned about Cas these past few days, just like the fact that his normal underlying sassiness gets amped up to 11 in the morning before his first pot of coffee, that he will absentmindedly scratch Miracle behind the ears while looking up stuff on his Laptop in the library, that he loves PB&J sandwiches… and that he looks really good in a plaid-shirt and jeans.

Dean’s still not sure what to do with this last bit of information. Because the thing is, they’ve talked quite a lot since Castiel’s return. They’ve talked about Jack and the new order up in heaven. Cas has told Dean and Sam about meeting Bobby and what Mary’s and John’s afterlife looks like. They even talked a bit about how Jack raised Castiel from the Empty and what other angels were chosen to join them – Gabriel and Balthazar, as Dean already knew, but apparently also Anna, Hannah, Rachel, Benjamin (Dean is _certainly_ not feeling jealous upon hearing that name), and Akobel, who now gets to be with Lilly and her daughter once again. Cas even convinced Jack to bring back Crowley and Meg (again, Dean is not jealous) on condition that they play nice with each other and stay in hell with Rowena.

They have **_not_** spoken a single word about how Cas ended up in the Empty in the first place though; about all the things he said before the shadow came for him and how they had triggered a curse that apparently was related to Castiel’s true happiness. 

Dean’s thought about it of course. He tried his best not to at first, when Cas was dead and gone and certain implications seemed much too painful to even consider but had crept into his mind nonetheless. And now, ever since Castiel’s return, that moment seems to play on endless repeat in Dean’s brain and hangs over them every time they so much as make eye-contact over a stack of pancakes at breakfast.

By now Dean has had time to come to terms with his own feelings, unearthing all the stuff he’s been pushing down and burying deep inside himself for years. The thing is, he’s still not quite sure if what Cas feels for him is the same. There was a certain connotation to Castiel’s declaration for sure but maybe that was just what Dean wanted to hear in that moment. Who’s to say that angels even feel love the same way humans do? Maybe Castiel’s love for him runs along the same lines as his love for humanity in general, a deep seated care and affection of course but nothing actually romantic. Castiel’s silence on the whole matter doesn’t bode well either; like maybe Cas feels like he said what needed saying and it doesn’t warrant a reply from Dean after all.

Dean clears his throat and tries to somehow defuse the awkward silence that has settled over them. “Maybe you could just throw the knife.”

“What?” Cas looks confused, like Dean lost him with his thought process somewhere.

“If you don’t like the gun but wanna stay out of range, you could just throw your blade. I’ve seen you do that.” A thought crosses Dean’s mind all of the sudden and puts a grin on his face. “In fact, hold on a second.” Dean makes to leave the room but turns back to Cas one last time, pointing a finger at him. “Just stay here, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Dean hurries down the hall and into his room, picking up a box from the shelf above his bed and with it in tow makes his way back to the shooting range.

When he stands in front of Cas again he opens the lid of the box and presents its contents to Cas. “I’ve been itching to give these bad boys a go, actually, but Sam wouldn’t let me.” He picks one of the throwing stars out of the box and holds it out for Castiel. “Come on, try it.”

Cas hesitates a moment but then apparently decides that he will humor Dean on this one. He gingerly takes the Shuriken Dean’s offering him and turns back towards the targets. Dean watches him adjusting his stance and lining up his shot before Cas sends the throwing star flying with astonishingly practiced ease. One of the spikes embeds itself right in the target silhouette’s head, practically pinning the cardboard to the wall right behind it. 

Dean grins at Cas. “Awesome.” And to his great pleasure Cas turns and smiles back at him. Dean rummages through the box for another Shuriken. “Okay my turn.”

Generally Dean knows how to handle throwing weapons as well but right now it’s much more of an exercise in fun than anything else. He and Cas take turns and on his third throw Dean already gets creative, trying to use the start like a Frisbee and laughing as it goes completely wild. He can’t quite remember the last time he had such genuine and carefree fun.

Eventually the box is empty. They probably should clean up the mess they made of the shooting range before Sam comes back but for now Dean decides it can wait. He smiles brightly at Cas again.

“See, there’s always a solution. And if you still want some pointers with the gun, I can help you with that as well. Come here.” Dean picks up the gun still lying on the counter and presses it into Castiel’s hand. He comes to stand behind Cas, one hand covering Castiel’s on the handle of the gun, the other curling around his hip to guide his stance.

Dean realizes his mistake too late. The fun and laughter of before have lulled him into a false sense of ease. Dean’s done this sort of thing before of course. Teaching some less experienced hunters a few tricks, in some cases even showing civilians how to defend themselves against the monster that’s after them if he couldn’t be sure he and Sam would be able to guard them the whole time; and yes, he’s also picked up a few one-night-stands that way, playing the cool FBI agent who lets the curious girl have a go at his gun even if it’s completely against protocol.

This however feels different than all those other situations. They are much too close like this. Dean can feel every breath Cas takes through the rise and fall of his own hand on Cas’ body. It’s seems profoundly intimate all of the sudden. They are toing that borderline to dangerous emotional territory again, only this time Dean slowly realizes that there is no use in running away. It suddenly becomes clear that every situation between him and Cas is doomed to drift into awkwardness eventually if they don’t talk about what’s really on Dean’s mind; because until Dean finally learns the truth, whether he’s gonna like it or not, it will haunt him every day. He takes a deep breath and steels himself for the inevitable. 

“Cas, can I ask you something?”

Cas turns in his arms. “Of course.”

Dean awkwardly let’s his hands glide of Cas and takes a step back. He clears his throat. “Now that you are human, do you experience stuff differently?” And before Cas can launch into a speech about the gustatory wonders of peanut butter and jelly again, he clarifies. “Like emotionally wise?”

“Yes, obviously. Hurt seems to run much deeper but also joy feels sharper and brighter.” 

“What about love?” Dean tries for casual and is pretty sure he misses the mark even more spectacularly then earlier with the Frisbee throwing star.

Cas bashfully lowers his gaze, Dean can see his jaw working as he seems to mull over his answer.

“No.” Cas confesses eventually. “No, that has stayed very much the same.”

Dean tries not to feel devastated. He tells himself that what he and Cas have right now is good - is awesome even - and much more than Dean could have ever hoped for. Just having Cas here with him and being able to goof around with him like they did earlier, simply the chance of seeing Castiel’s face every day for the rest of his life, will be quite enough.

And then Cas continues: “I think it might have been the first human emotion I was able to feel, even before I became human myself, even for that first time.”

Dean’s not quite sure what to make of that or how to reply, so he keeps his mouth shut.

“Dean?” Cas asks carefully, “Is this about what I said before…” he trails of.

“What, before you up and left me?” Dean regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. It’s like it always been, whenever Dean feels too raw and vulnerable he will eventually fall back on frustration and anger. And the truth is that underneath all the hurt and grief Dean **_had_** been angry at Cas for the stunt he pulled with the Empty, for putting Dean through the pain of losing him yet again, and for leaving Dean alone with the aftermath of what was said as well as the things left unsaid. He thought that anger had evaporated upon Castiel’s return, but apparently not. Once again they seem to fall into their old patterns. Dean can already tell that Cas is going into the defense as well.

“I **_died_**.” Cas clarifies indignantly. “I sacrificed myself so you could live.”

“Yes, and you were gone and I had to deal with the fact that it was entirely my fault; while also trying to figure out what it was you were telling me.”

Cas seems taken aback by that at least. “I thought I made that very clear.”

“Yeah well, guess what, you didn’t.” Frustration makes Dean’s voice loud and sharp but he can’t stop himself now anymore, all the doubts he had come spilling out of him. “You are… you _were_ an angel, Cas. What do I know, how emotions work for you. You always said all that stuff about how you love all of us, and how you love humanity, and…”

“That was different.” Cas interrupts him. By now he sounds just as frustrated as Dean, like Dean is making things unnecessarily hard for him.

“How? How was that different?”

Cas doesn’t answer and all of the sudden Dean’s anger falls away as reality – and possibility – catches up to him. His heart starts racing. But Cas remains quiet and when Dean looks at him his gaze is pinned to the floor. Dean realizes that if he wants Cas to answer he’s gonna have to ask more questions and put his heart down on the line as well. 

“When you said you didn’t think you could have what you wanted, what was it? What do you want?” Still Cas stays silent but weirdly it gives Dean more hope, because surely if it was something, anything, else than what Dean is finally willing to let himself believe, than surely Cas would have said something by now. But Dean needs to hear it, needs conformation.

“Is it me, Cas? Do you want _me_? Truly, all of me?” It seems so outlandish put like that. Dean’s never met anyone, who, in their right mind, would look at Dean Winchester and consider keeping him around for more than a night of pleasure or to deal with their monster problem. Dean’s too messed up - too broken - to be anything worth wanting.

And yet, Cas looks at him now, the blue of his eyes a sea of fondness, and melancholy, and desperate longing as he all but whispers: “In every way.”

It’s enough of a conformation for Dean. He surges forward, covering Castiel’s lips with his own.

Cas goes completely still against him, lips unmoving, unresponsive and an icy cold shoots through Dean’s veins at the idea that somehow, incredibly, he still managed to misread the entire situation. He pulls away quickly again and searches Castiel’s face. It pulls painfully at his heartstrings when he finds Cas looking incredibly sad. A hand against his chest tries to push him away.

“You don’t have to indulge me, Dean.”

Dean’s not sure whether he wants to laugh or scream as his emotions do another 180° in the course of a few seconds.

“You’re such an idiot.” he says, standing his ground and not letting himself be pushed away. “I’m not indulging you, Cas. This isn’t me trying to repay you for all the stuff you’ve done for us or whatever bullshit your mind just came up with because you can’t let yourself believe the truth.” 

He thinks about what Cas said to him while Billie was knocking on that door, all his beautiful words. Dean could never hope to recreate a speech like that, he will always be better with actions than with words. But right now he knows he’s gonna have to say something, he has to at least try to put his feelings into words because it might be the only way to get Cas to listen, to believe, and to understand.

“Cas, when we first met, you told me that good things do happen. I didn’t believe you but as it turns out you were right. Because, quite frankly, you are the very best thing that’s ever happened to me. You are so much more than I will ever deserve. You say I changed you but you changed me as well. You changed my whole life. And, hell, I love you for it.” Cas stares at him, eyes wide and full of wonder. And now that it’s out there, now that he’s said it, it’s almost ridiculously easy to repeat it. “Cas, I love you.” He curls a hand around the back of Castiel’s neck, holds him close. “I love you.” And when his lips find Castiel’s again there’s no hesitation this time.

Cas kisses him like he’s a desert wanderer who happened upon a stream, like a sinner who has found salvation, like’s been granted a previously unimaginable miracle and – not sure if it’s to last – is holding onto it with every fiber of his being for however long he will be allowed to.

And Dean feels it too, like all of this is almost too much, too good to be actually real; but still he knows that it is. **_They_** are real. In a world where so much else was predetermined, they somehow managed to write their own story between the lines. And even though - as with all emotions - Dean may not have made the conscious choice of falling for Castiel, he’s choosing him now. For so long, Dean fought for his freedom without even truly knowing what he was going to do with it. He does know now, and if he fought for him and Cas to be together like this than it was all well worth it.

He can’t tell Cas all of that right now, he’s not even sure he’ll ever find the words at all, so he tries to put it all in his kiss, wanting Cas to know that this isn’t going away. Cas can have this. **_They_** can have this. 

Dean’s not even aware that they moved until his back hits the wall, Cas’s hand cradling the back of his head both to soften the impact and to change the angle of their kiss as it grows more heated. Dean manages to slip a leg between Castiel’s and if he had any lingering doubts about just how human Castiel’s feelings run they would evaporate now under the hard outline of Castiel’s cock pressed against his thigh.

In a far off corner of Dean’s brain he wonders if they are moving too fast right now but then he thinks about all the years they’ve apparently taken it way too slow. Also Dean almost died last week and it would’ve been for good this time and if that taught him anything it’s that he should stop wasting anymore time.

When Cas eventually pulls away from their kiss it’s only so he can lower his head to the column of Dean’s neck. Dean moans at the scrape of Castiel’s stubble against his sensitive skin there and blindly busies himself with the buttons of Castiel’s shirt. With the way they are still pressed together, he only manages to get a few of them open but it’s enough that Dean can work a hand in and make both himself and Cas shiver pleasantly at the first touch of fingers upon naked skin. 

“Dean, we should…”

“Don’t say _stop_.” Dean all but begs. “Please, don’t say we should stop.”

A breathless chuckle escapes Cas’ lips and reverberates against Dean’s throat. “I was going to say we should probably go to your bedroom.”

And Dean can certainly get behind **_that_** idea. 

* * *

They do eventually make it to Dean’s room but it’s slow going. They keep getting distracted, pushing each other up against the wall of the hallway and losing themselves in kisses and touches. Dean’s plaid-overshirt has ended up on the floor somewhere along the way and by the time they reach the door, they’ve also managed to toe of their shoes already. Dean wonders if they’ll ever see them again or if Miracle is gonna wake up from his nap eventually to find himself some brand new chew toys. Dean finds himself unable to care or even to hold the thought in his brain for more than five seconds at all.

Once the door to Dean’s room is shut behind them with the rest of the world locked out for the time being, Dean slips Castiel’s by now completely unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders and takes a moment to just drink him in. His view however gets obscured by his own t-shirt as Cas pulls it over his head. Once his arms are free from his sleeves, Dean wraps them around Cas and pulls him close, trading looking for feeling, the slide of naked skin against naked skin a thrilling sensation.

Cas slips a hand between them, popping the button on Dean’s jeans and shoving them down his thighs. And then Cas is cupping his dick, rubbing over it through the fabric of Dean’s boxers and Dean can practically feel the blood rushing from his brain, leaving him lightheaded and dizzy. He lets himself slump forwards a little, trusting Cas to take his weight and resting their foreheads together as he moans breathlessly.

His hands go for Castiel’s pants in turn, forgoing finesse in favour for pushing and pulling until he can shove them down Cas’ legs right along with his underwear. From where he’s still resting his head against Castiel’s, he casts a glance down between their bodies and isn’t surprised to find that Cas’ dick is just as amazing as the rest of him. The sound Cas makes as Dean wraps his fingers around him is instantly addicting, spurring Dean on even more.

Cas starts to maneuver them backwards, both of them more or less awkwardly stepping out of their pants along the way. Cas spins around and pushes Dean back onto the bed before following after him, covering Dean’s body with his own.

He kisses Dean’s throat and shoulder, brushes his lips and nose over Dean’s collarbone and slowly keeps on moving downwards. He takes his time, apparently determined to touch and kiss every inch of skin laid out before him. There is a reverence to it, a devotion that stuns Dean to the core. It feels more like an act of worship than anything else. Now that he’s allowed to touch, the dam around the feelings that Cas must have kept bottled up for years has broken, affection washing over Dean in waves and he might as well just drown in it. 

Cas keeps trailing kisses down Dean’s chest and abdomen, stubbles scraping along his skin, until his lips brush the waistband of Dean’s boxers. 

He hooks his fingers into the waistband, mouthing at Dean’s hipbone as he slowly drags his underwear down over his crotch. But Cas seems determined to draw this out and instead of putting his lips where Dean wants them most right about now he kisses along Dean’s leg as he slips his boxers down further. He guides Dean to bend his knee until he can push his underwear all the way off as he nibs on Dean’s ankle. He moves up again, leaving a trail of kisses up Dean’s other leg and then finally, upon circling back in on Dean’s middle, licking a long stripe up the underside of his dick before closing his lips over the tip. Dean’s vision goes blurry around the edges, synapses firing wildly while he fists his hands into Castiel’s dark mop of hair.

Dean isn’t going to be able to last like this, he realizes, and he doesn’t wanna come just yet. As amazing as Castiel’s mouth feels on his dick, they can revisit that idea another time. Because there will be another time, many more times in fact, Dean already knows as much. There’s no way they’re every going back to not doing this.

“Cas.” He uses the hand in Cas’ hair to make him look up at him. “Come here.”

And Cas obliges, letting Dean slip from his mouth again and crawling up Dean’s body to press their lips together instead.

“What do you want, Cas?” he asks as soon as Cas lets him up for air again.

“You.” It comes out of Cas half a whisper and half a moan. A revelation - like they haven’t already established that. Even though the gravity of it still makes Dean’s stomach flutter upon hearing it.

“How? How do you want me, Cas?”

Cas goes still and stares at him, though his eyes have gone unfocused. He looks completely overwhelmed, like not even in his wildest dreams he let himself believe that he could have Dean at all, let alone that there would be _options_.

If he’s being honest with himself Dean never let himself dwell on the possibilities too much either but right in this moment he’s willing to go with his guts on this one; with some hazy fantasies he buried a long time ago - before he ever met Cas, with how perfect Cas’ heavy weight feels on top of him right now, with how much he wants to give Cas everything he’s got left to offer. 

“You wanna be inside me?”

The noise Cas makes, raw and yearning, is answer enough already and Dean lets it fill his mind, drowning out the inhibitions that have stuck with him all his life and allows himself to be open and honest with his own desires.

“It’s what **_I_** want. I want you. Want to feel you.”

That seems to gear Cas into action again, Dean’s desires always more important to him than his own, even as tangled and overlapping as they are right now. “Yes. _Please._ ” He mumbles breathlessly against Dean’s thoat. 

Dean pushes at Cas’s shoulder, getting him to sit back on his knees and give Dean some space to work with. He stretches his arm and reaches for the nightstand where he keeps the lube, usually at hand for some special alone time in the bunker. Belatedly he realizes that he doesn’t have any condoms in there as well. He didn’t really have a use for those in his own bedroom. He never met anyone he could – or even wanted – to take home, and not just because he lives in a secret bunker full of supernatural artefacts.

He remembers that there are some condoms stuffed in his duffle bag which is... Dean doesn’t quite now where, and getting up to look for it sounds like the most frustrating endeavor ever. In the last not yet completely sex addled part of his brain Dean thinks it through.

“Cas? Whenever you healed me with your mojo, you always fixed pretty much anything that could be wrong with me, right?”

If Cas feels like Dean’s question comes out of nowhere he doesn’t show it. “Yes, that’s how it works.”

That gives Dean a clean slate then, and not just because Cas put him back together only last week. It’s been a while, and even though Dean had liked to tell himself that it was because he was simply way too busy saving the world, he can admit now that one-night-stands had started to lose their appeal somewhere along the way quite some time ago.

The point is, Dean has gone through several instances of grace assisted healing since the last time he as much as flirted with someone.

As for Cas; he’s certainly not been with anyone since becoming human once again. If Dean has any say in the matter Cas won’t ever be with anyone who isn’t Dean either. This is it. _They_ are it for each other.

And that pretty much settles things.

He hands the bottle of lube over to Cas before he might start to interpret Dean’s hesitation as anything more profound as Dean working through the logistics of it all.

Cas goes along with it, taking the lube from Dean and slicking up his fingers. For all his inexperience in most things human, he thankfully doesn’t seem to need any pointers on this one; one hand bending Dean’s leg to his liking while he works the other between his thighs.

Dean briefly wonders if Cas ever used his laptop for more than just looking up how to kill the monster of the week - and then loses conscious thought altogether as Cas starts rubbing a lube-slicked finger over his hole.

Cas bends over him, once again pressing his lips to Dean’s chest, teasingly twirling his tongue over a nipple as he pushes in.

“Fuck.” A stream of breathless expletives leaves Dean’s mouth without ever passing his brain while Cas keeps up his ministration and works him open with first one and then two fingers.

And then Cas’s lips are making their way downwards again, eventually wrapping themselves around Dean’s dick. Dean cries out and his hips, who apparently have by now completely detached themselves from his brain as well, don’t seem to know if they rather want to push forwards into Cas’ mouth or backwards onto his fingers. He lets himself enjoy Cas’ lips for only a few moments longer before tapping him on the shoulder and telling him to stop. Cas let’s Dean cock slip from his mouth and looks up at him, hair a mess and lips a shiny red; the perfect picture for the lexicon entry on ‘ _debauched’_. 

“Damn,” Dean curses. “You’re killing me here. Will you just get on with it?”

“Of course.” Cas has the audacity to smirk and his well-known answer in this all new context sends a pleasant shiver down Dean’s spine. Cas sits back up and Dean can’t help a disappointed whine as he also withdraws his fingers, leaving Dean with none of the sensations from a moment ago. Dean reminds himself that it’s what he asked for and that he had his reasons. He blindly reaches for the bottle of lube Cas dropped somewhere in the sheets next to them. He squeezes a fair amount onto his hand and wraps it around Cas’ cock.

Dean revels in the feel of Cas, hard and hot, under his hand but after only a few strokes Cas’ hand comes down, fingers closing around Dean’s wrist and stilling his touch.

“Dean.” Cas says his name like it’s been punched out of him, breathless and warningly, and as Dean looks up at him, taking in his flushed face and blown-out pupils, he knows Cas is close. And as much as Dean would like to see him come just like this, he wants to feel him even more. So he lets Cas remove Dean’s hand and line himself up.

It’s not entirely pleasant as Cas pushes into him but seeing his stunned face makes up for the slight burn more than enough. Cas stills, giving Dean time to adjust. His clenched jaw gives Dean an idea of the effort Cas makes to restrain himself and he finds he has neither need nor patience for it.

“Come on.” He puts one hand to Castiel’s jaw, absentmindedly scratching over the dark stubbles there while his other hand settles over Cas’ ass, urging him to keep going.

They moan in unison as Cas bottoms out, hips starting to twitch in tiny jerks, like he can’t hold himself back entirely anymore. 

“Dean, please, can I…”

“Yes. Move.”

Cas does and Dean holds on to him, giving himself over to the strange yet exhilarating feeling of being filled, of being with and _having_ Cas this way. 

Above him Cas looks almost delirious with it and just the thought that it’s all because of him, that he’s the one who put the complete blissed out expression on Castiel’s face, is almost too much for Dean to comprehend. He hooks his legs around Cas’ waist, grabs his ass again and pulls him in, anything to get Cas closer, deeper.

Cas shifts his hips and Dean all but howls as, on the next push, Cas’s dick brushes up against his prostate. If Dean had any breath left to spare he would beg Cas do it again but fortunately that isn’t necessary as Cas keeps on going for the same angle anyway.

A hand closes around Dean’s dick and as he meets Cas’ gaze, Cas looks more focused again.

“I want to see you come.”

It doesn’t take much, a few strokes of Castiel’s hand while he keeps on hitting that spot deep inside him and Dean falls apart.

Dean forces himself to keep his eyes open and let Cas look at him as he fucks him through it. He gets rewarded with getting to see Cas come undone as well in the midst of it. 

He takes Cas’ weight as he collapses on top of Dean eventually and wraps his arms tightly around Cas’ back, holding him close.

* * *

It takes Cas quite a while to form a conscious thought again. They just keep lying there together, Cas still half on top of Dean, head pressed against Dean’s shoulder, one leg thrown over his hip and tangled up with Dean’s.

It would feel unreal, but every rise and fall of Dean’s chest reminds Cas that the past few hours really happened.

Before he met Dean, Castiel didn’t even know what it meant to _want_ anything. And now he can’t describe the feeling of actually getting what he wants most in all the world. And it’s not just that. It’s knowing that he can give Dean something that Dean wants, that he can provide him happiness. He doesn’t think any human language he knows has a word for it, Enochian certainly doesn’t.

In all his eons of existing, Castiel never experiences anything that could hold a candle to being with Dean, and even if he were to live eons more he would never grow tired of it.

He can’t get enough of touching Dean, running his hands over his neck, his hair, his beautiful face, reveling in it as Dean turns his head to nuzzle into his palm. 

A lazy smile stretches across Dean’s lips. “I gotta say, that was even better than what I had originally planned for the afternoon.”

“Which was?”

“Watching _High Plains Drifter_ together.”

Cas groans. “That sounds like a western. You are aware that I’m not actually all that interested in these movies, right?”

Dean laughs and playfully squeezes his hip. He sounds way too smug when he states: “And yet, you will watch them with me.” He beams at Castiel. “Because you love me.”

Cas never dared to dream that getting to voice this simple truth could put a smile as bright and beautiful and content as the one he’s seeing right now onto Dean’s face. He would watch a thousand western movies for that.

“I do.” He concedes and presses a quick, gentle kiss to Dean’s lips before settling down against his chest again. He feels his eyelids grow heavy. Getting exhausted and having to take a nap is still something Cas has to get used to. But the prospect really doesn’t seem so bad if he gets to fall asleep in Dean’s arms. Not when he knows that when he’ll wake up a few hours later – probably due to Miracle demanding attention – Dean is still going to be there. They have an entire life they can spend together now. And then eternity after that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this fic is based on the following poem of John Mark Green. It just instantly made me think of Destiel and feel all the feels.
> 
> _I don’t know why things happen the way they do—why so much of our lives have been spent in heartache and disappointment. Wrong timing. The wrong people. Unhappy situations. Not being our best and truest selves._
> 
> _What I do know is that in you, I have finally found all I never dared dream I could deserve or have—the kind of love that is rare. Being known in a way that touches the deepest parts of me. Accepted in a way that blows my mind._
> 
> _In you, the love I have always desired to give now has a place to call home._  
>  I have been a skeptic, but you are my undeniable miracle.
> 
> _The questions don’t matter anymore._
> 
> _We have finally found each other, and that is enough._
> 
> John Mark Green

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this alternate take on 15x20.
> 
> I still got the second chapter to write now. In it we'll see Dean and Cas finally figuring some stuff out and we'll put Sam on his road towards a well deserved happy ending of his own.


End file.
